I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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