at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
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You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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