What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
