Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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