Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
