Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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