Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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