areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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