if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
