Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
