this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
