Sacagawea was the original milf.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
