i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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