my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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