Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Vodka?
Forever.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
