We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
