is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
