I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
