I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
