I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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