i think my tv is drunk
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
