I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
