Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
