I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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