WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
