You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
