and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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