I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
