you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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