'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
