You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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