I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
