Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
