I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
