I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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