You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i can't believe i had my finger in that
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
