Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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