the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
