Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
