Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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