All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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