I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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