5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
