Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
