May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So. Much. Porn.
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