she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
