Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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