In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
