dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
