i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
