dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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