I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
