Will you blow on my dice?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
