but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
