is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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