just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
