Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize