Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
