I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
