i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
